LeslieWest_GuitarGod
Well-known member
Let’s pay tribute to Dungeons & Dragons Online's very own Two-Toed Tobias, a legend in his own lunchtime. He fought to his last two toes.
Epitaph to Two-Toed Tobias:
A Noble Toast
April 1st 2025
In lands where dungeons twist and sprawl,
And dragons nap in treasure halls,
There rose a fiend both feared and gross—
Two toes he had… and yet morose.
Toe-Toed Tobias, beast of lore,
With just two toes but rage galore.
He stomped through towns with booming might,
Each step a tremor, each toenail — fright.
He ruled the hills with fungal flair,
His sandals made from cursed bear hair.
No sock could hold his mighty tread,
No boot could cage his foot of dread.
But then came us, a noble crew:
A bard, a monk, a wizard too.
A fighter bold, a druid chill—
We sought his toes and sought the thrill.
We found him near the Weaping cove,
Where frogs wear hats and bog-wraiths snore.
He bellowed, “FOOLS! You’ve met your fate!”
We checked initiative. He rolled an eight.
The monk dashed in with flying grace,
And kicked Tobias in the face.
The wizard cast Unsolicited Sock,
Which stunned him cold, like toe-based shock.
Our druid grew some viney shoes,
That wrapped around his feet like glue.
And while Tobias thrashed and wailed,
The fighter swung and toenails sailed.
The bard stood tall, lute in hand,
And sang, “This toe reign ends today, foul man!”
With chords so sharp and lyrics tight,
He hit Tobias with radiant spite.
With final cry and fungus breath,
Toe-Toed Tobias met his death.
His two lone toes now rest in bane,
Forever sealed in mithral chain.
And now they sing in every bar,
Of heroes brave from near and far,
The monk just sighed, "This ends in shame."
As the bard declared, "Today, Tyrs will toast Tobias' name!"
A mushroom cloud of pee and sock debris rained down on us.
His final words? A muffled groan:
“I should’ve never left the bard alone…”
And now we dine on tales so grand,
Of how Two-Toes once ruled the land—
'Til heroes came with boots well-tied,
And Two-Toes' tyranny finally died.
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