The Best D&D Jokes Thread... Make me laugh, I dares ya!

[svenofnein]

To understand basic English, like the word RESENT, one needs at lease two brain cells

Instead of leasing them, can I rent to own?

 

[Ungermax]

How many rare loot tables does it take to change a light bulb?

 

[LeslieWest_GuitarGod]

How can someone resemble a remark of all things

That's me. I can be very Groucho Marx. Very Bard. Well played I'd say.

 

[LeslieWest_GuitarGod]

How many rare loot tables does it take to change a light bulb?

One — and SSG says it’s WAI, even though the bulb’s been bugged since Update 18.

 

[Frantik]

Back in my engineering days we developed a computational fluid dynamics software (visualisation of airflow simulation) and were looking for a name.

I suggested...

Fluid
Analysis
Research
Tool

They were up for it, so eventually I relented, told them I was just being cheeky, and pointed out the acronym for them.

We went with something else.

Liquid And Gas Engineering Researcher?

 

[FatBudScream]

one of my favorite :
Why did the Necromancer cross the street?
- to pick up the corpse of the chicken.

 

[Jack Jarvis Esquire]

Liquid And Gas Engineering Researcher?

AEC sector.

 

[Guntango]

Damn, did they really take my joke down? I spent some time on that! I hate it here.

 

[Oliphant]

I found an old forum thread where I was super offended Comms of Valor were offered as end rewards (back when you needed comms to epic reincarnate) because you were getting valor for not choosing guild renown. That's it, that's the joke. :ROFLMAO:

 

[LeslieWest_GuitarGod]

An exhausted party walks into the Anvilfire Inn and sits down. The waitress asked them why they have their weapons on them in a tavern. One replies: "mimics".

The waitress laughed, the party laughed, the table laughed. They killed the table.

 

[LeslieWest_GuitarGod]

So a Dwarf walks into a brothel with a jackass and a honeycomb...

The Madame asks, "What can we do for you?"

To which the Dwarf replies, "I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me."

"Whatever for?," the Madame asks, genuinely curious, "And what's with the honeycomb and the mule?"

Said the Dwarf, "My woman found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first was for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this damn honeycomb. The second wish was that she have the nicest ass in all the land, so he gave her this damn donkey..."

"And what about the third wish?" the Madame asked, eagerly.

"Well..." the Dwarf paused, turning red in the face before continuing, "she asked the genie to make my middle leg hang down past my knee."

Shocked, the Madame responded, "Well that one's not so bad, eh?"

But the Dwarf exclaimed, "Not so bad!? I used to be six foot three!"

 

[Frantik]

Marvin the Marvelous, the reknowned Master Artificer, has recently constructed a training tower in Stormreach for his students. The tower is of course marvelous, with many innovative contraptions, one of which is an automated elevator to transport the Master and the students from floor to floor, rather than use the stairs. The tower is organised into classrooms, laboratories and canteen (etc) on the first 4 floors and student accomodation on the next 16 floors with Marvin the Marvelous's penthouse on the 21st floor. Each student is given chores including at least one where they must leave the tower each day to complete (shopping etc). All students use the elevator when leaving the tower and once again in order to go to Marvin's penthouse to report that their ex-tower task in completed. Except one of the students always uses the elevator to leave the tower when leaving to the tower to carry out their task, but on the return trip always takes the elevator up to the 12th floor and then proceeds on foot using the stairwell to reach Marvin's penthouse to report that their task is completed.

Why?

Please don't answer, just figure it out. It's an easy conundrum in context with DDO. And conundrums can be funny!

 

[Frantik]

A halfling and a warforged are chatting in a tavern. During a conversation about flora, the warforged asks "so what's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil", to which the halfling replies "well, i wouldn't get excited if a lentils on me!"

too much?

 

[Frantik]

Marvin the Magnificent is showing another famous inventor, Willy Wonky, around his new tower of learning and invention. In one room, Marvin smiles at his friend and says "here's my latest teaching support" pointing to a shiny white rectangle. Marvin produces a perculier rod then writes "to my dear friend, Willy" on the support. He then takes a cloth wiping over the text which disappears! Willy is impressed and says "that is truly remarkable".

 

[Frantik]

And i totally plagerized this one...

What do dwarves and halflings have in common? Very little.

 

[Guntango]

SSG: Knock Knock
DDO Adventurer: Who's there?
SSG: Lag

 

[Pardoner]

Surely thats:

SSG: Knock knock
DDO Adventurer: Who's there?
.............................................................................................
................................................................................................
SSG: Lag

 

[LeslieWest_GuitarGod]

That depends 'ole chap.

Depending on the day... it could read like this:

SSG: Knock knock
DDO Adventurer: Who's there?
.............................................................................................
................................................................................................
..............................................................................................................................................................................................
.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

SSG: Lag

Followed by the inevitable:

 

[Uska]

Bob conducted a seance to contact his friend Bill he asked his friend if there was D&D after death Bill says Bob I have good news and bad news the good news is yes there is D&D after death the bad news is you’re the DM tomorrow night

 

[LeslieWest_GuitarGod]