When people mention DDO has a great community - I always chuckle slightly.
"Great" is a bit of a stretch. "
A community" is closer to the truth
Examples like the OP's represents the majority of players I encounter(I PUG primarily).
Just yesterday I saw several examples of:
-Players not sharing quests
-Players getting left behind
-Finishing a quest before everyone was in/ready
-Taking different paths than the party leader. Then dying- causing us to have to backtrack and res them...multiple times
-Zerging ahead to complete the end fight, while the trapper was just about to get the trap bonus
-Players leaving the party, without a word, at the first instance of an impasse
-Players leaving loot in chests that other party members called out they might like...multiple times
-Piking
I could keep going. And this was from just
one day of play...
It doesn't help that the devs have facilitated this fixation on XP, above all else. Same goes for anti-grouping mechanisms, or the design of XP pots - which just reinforces poor etiquette.
And you can add the fixation on DPS to that. There is little place for anything else. So of course people are zerging onwards(packing large AOE damage) in their pursuit of power; utterly unhindered by anything the dungeons or monsters throw at them. They even let you heal yourself fully in Reaper mode now!
Thus, the "consummate" DDO players contends:
Why should I care about other players. They'll just slow me down! Well...I guess during buddy bonus...
So it shouldn't come as a surprise, then, that the kinds of people that prioritized being social, or being a good teammate - rather than things like grind and XP/min - have long since moved on from a game that stopped caring about them.
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I also saw newer players stream the game this past week (which is great). But the approach that veteran players took to helping them wasn't always the best. Things like spoiling their sense of discovery/achievement, by pointing every last thing out. Or by rolling up toons to help; only to complete the objectives and quest by themselves - leaving the newbie with nothing to do. Sound familiar? Of course, their enthusiasm was palpably deflated. And this is courtesy of the folks with good intentions...
Contrary to the advice that I, and others espouse - simply saying you're new in party chat(when it works), doesn't
actually change the self-serving behaviour of most players.
Seriously, try it. Roll up a new toon and play through a life as if you legitimately knew nothing. You'll be in for a rude awakenening, as it pertains to how accomodating others are.
Maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones that encounters the genuinely good eggs in the DDO community; who will actually stop and give you the time of day. And who are sufficiently considerate of others. They are out there as well.
Not enough though...
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My advice is to treat other players like actual people. Like if someone new shows up at work...at school...at your bowling alley...at your street basketball game...at your community center...
Would you ignore them, and just keep doing your own thing? Would you not show them around? Would you not include them in your projects? Would you not consider bowling with the bumpers(rails) up this go-around? Would you never pass them the ball? Would you continue your activities, with no regard whatsoever for the new person over there?
If you do - that just makes you as slimy as Muck. And let's face it - no one likes ooze
Or.......
You could make someone's day. And
be the difference, as to whether or not they continue to play the game- and enjoy doing so.