The Best D&D Jokes Thread... Make me laugh, I dares ya!

LeslieWest_GuitarGod

LeslieWest_GuitarGod

Well-known member
[This was the 3d most popular thread ever in the old motherboards' Off Topic section. So I'm gonna roll the dice again]

It's hard to find good D&D jokes...of all the genres of jokedom, "blonde" jokes "your mama" jokes, I think D&D jokes have suffered a comedic plight unheard of in comedy history. Certainly, with the fairly recent invention of the Internet (thanks Al Gore!), MMO gaming, & Nerd Rage, we can surely overcome all obstacles and alleviate this injustice.

Within the constraints of the EULA please, tell us the best D&D jokes you've ever heard.

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"Off topic, out of your mind, and funky like a four-armed monkey, Llllllllllet's get ready to Rumbleeeee!!" - Michael Buffordie

I'll go first....
 
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LeslieWest_GuitarGod

LeslieWest_GuitarGod

Well-known member
Two rangers that are out hunting for food are walking through Tangleroot Forest, and discover a large well in the ground.

One of the rangers curious as to how deep this well was threw a small stone into and turned his head to listen............nothing. He then gathers up a larger stone, picks it up with both hands and throws it in the well, turns his head to the side to listen............nothing.

He exclaims to his buddy, man, that is some well. Let's find something bigger to throw off in there. Well the two find a cross tie. One says to the other, pick up one side, I'll get the other. Surely when this thing hits the bottom we'll know it. So the two throw this cross-tie into the well and begin to listen.

After a few seconds, they hear a goat, wailing at the top of its lungs, while it is running straight toward the two hunters. The goat continues toward them, passes right between the men, and goes off into the well. One hunter in excitement and disbelief proclaims to the other, did you see that crazy goat!!?? That **** thing just jumped in that well!!

The commotion attracted the attention of a local farmer, and he made his way over to the hunters. He asked the guys, "Have you seen my goat, I can't seem to find him?"

One of the hunters still excited tells the farmer, sure we have seen your goat. He just ran down that hill straight toward us and jumped off in this well. The farmer replies back, nah, that couldn't have been my goat, my goat was tied to a cross-tie.
 
LeslieWest_GuitarGod

LeslieWest_GuitarGod

Well-known member
A barbarian walks up to one of the accessory vendors in the marketplace to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the vendor, "How much is Barbie?"

"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for 90 plat, Barbie Goes to the Ball for 90 plat, Barbie Goes Shopping for 90 plat, Barbie Goes to the Beach for 90 plat, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for 90 plat, and Divorced Barbie for 1690 plat."

"Hey, hang on," the barbarian asks, "why is Divorced Barbie 1690 plat when all the others are only 90 plat?"

"Yeah, well, it's like this.... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
 
Buddha5440

Buddha5440

Trainer of those who beat dead horses
If we were fighting an undead centaur, would we be beating a dead horse?

Why couldn’t the dragonborn Barbarian enter a rage? He had e-reptile dysfunction.

What did the wanted poster for the escaped halfling Divination Wizard say? Small medium at large.

Jesus Saves!!! Everyone else rolled a 1.

Adventures walk into a tavern and drop a bag of equipment on the bar. Barkeep asks, “What’s with all the weapons?” Adventures say, “We’re searching for mimics.” The tavern keeper laughs, the party laughs, then the table laughs.

The Paladin takes her wagon to the mechanic. “Every time I drive, I get the urge to run over pedestrians!” she tells him. The mechanic takes a look under it and says “Here’s the problem: your alignment is off.”
 
Aelonwy

Aelonwy

Well-known member
What magic artifact summons a wardrobe full of wizardly robes in a variety of cuts and colors? A Wand of Mage Armoire.

Why did the lisping drow Bard tell a bad joke? For the Lolth.

Necromancy: The Ultimate Recycling.

What do you call a mimic shaped like a barrel? The Cask of A-NOM-tillado

What is a tabaxi Sorcerer’s favorite spell? Furrball.

Warrior: I swear I will have revenge for the death of my brother!
Elf Ranger: You have my bow!
Dwarf Barbarian: You have my Axe!
Necromancer: And your brother! What? Too soon?

All the others I can remember off the top of my head are dirty... so I'll keep them to myself.
 
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