The Best D&D Jokes Thread... Make me laugh, I dares ya!

[LeslieWest_GuitarGod]

"ALWAYS THE FIRST TO DIE"
Rocket Toss

An oldie but goodie

 

[dur]

Q: How do you know if there’s a paladin in the party?

Trust me, you’ll know.

https://www.scarymommy.com/dungeons-and-dragons-jokes

 

[The_Apocalypse]

Player: My cleric casts Command on him!
DM: Okay ~tips his head~ What is your command?
Player: P**p.

 

[LeslieWest_GuitarGod]

Every. Freakin. Time.

 

[peng]

Every. Freakin. Time.

This is ddo. I think you mean the door is magically locked until every single guard is dead.

 

[LeslieWest_GuitarGod]

Warlock: Well I say that I can Eldritch Blast the sleeping guards...

Bard: ...and I said I could provide you with Bardic Inspiration

Ranger: They're asleep, so I'll just snipe them...

Barbarian: My axe wants blood! Let me at them.

DM: Okay, everyone! Calm down! You're arguing...

Warlock: Why do you always just want to charge in?

Barbarian: I'm the Barbarian and I pretty much use my rage.

Bard: And I provide Bardi...

Ranger: Oh just shut up about your Bardic Inspiration.

Bard: But it helps out...

DM: Guys, this arguing you're doing is...

Warlock: Then how about I just do things my way.

Ranger: And use magic just to take out easy guards? I can snipe them...

Warlock: And waste your arrows...

DM:

 

[Jack Jarvis Esquire]

Caster: What the **** is THAT!!??!!

Barb: You said to bring one. It smells a bit coz I found it in The Waterworks, bu...

Caster: No you idiot! That's not what I meant by bringing a TANK!!!

 

[Mokune]

The

 

[HoopleHead]

Barbarian visits the Crafters to see the progress on his axe..

Crafter tells him he needs a few more days to work out the kinks

[Axe]: "I like feet"

 

[Livmo]

Barbarian visits the Crafters to see the progress on his axe..

Crafter tells him he needs a few more days to work out the kinks

[Axe]: "I like feet"

 

[The_Apocalypse]

Paladin: "Okay, how'd the barfight start THIS time?"
Barbarian: "Hey I just gave him a high-five... in the face... with a chair."

 

[Hobgoblin]

the wizard dies of 1d4 laugh damage

 

[Jack Jarvis Esquire]

the wizard dies of 1d4 laugh damage

Please don't turn this into another caster nerfs whinge! ????

 

[Hobgoblin]

Please don't turn this into another caster nerfs whinge! ????

more like this...
[video]

 

[dur]

 

[dur]

 

[Dandonk]

• Why don't dwarves get lost in the mountains?
  Because they take everything for granite.
• Why did the dwarf refuse to play cards with the hill giant?
  He didn't trust him; the stakes were too high!
• What's a dwarf's favorite workout?
  Mine-erobics!
• Why are dwarves great party members?
  Because they always bring their axe-tra effort!
• What do you call a dwarf bard who can't sing?
  A low note!
• Why did the dwarf bring a ladder to the tavern?
  Because he wanted to reach new heights of drinking!
• Why do dwarves make great miners?
  They always dig deep into their work.
• Why don’t dwarves like elven jokes?
  They go right over their heads!

 

[Aelonwy]

Why are dwarves great party members?
Because they always bring their axe-tra effort!

For some reason this one reads like its told in a Scottish accent.

 

[Phaedra]

700 points for 4 quests with rare (mediocre) loot. This has to be a joke.

 

[Vox]

700 points for 4 quests with rare (mediocre) loot. This has to be a joke.

And it's not even April fools.