The Best D&D Jokes Thread... Make me laugh, I dares ya!

LeslieWest_GuitarGod

LeslieWest_GuitarGod

Well-known member
An orc walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "Wow, that's really neat. Where'd you get it?"

"In a cave." the parrot replies.
 
The Narc

The Narc

Well-known member
What is funnier than getting tripped and ganked by the giants in epic gianthold and seeing nothing but loincloths!?!

.
.
.
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Well of course watching RIMSTROM getting ganked by the end boss in Tempest Spine while streaming live. Literally the longest and hardest laugh i have had in the entirity of gaming in DDO,

Lllllllllloooooollllllllll!!!!
 
LeslieWest_GuitarGod

LeslieWest_GuitarGod

Well-known member
New Christmas Song.
Location: Boston 2017.
'Ole post from the Tyrs Paladium website

"New song for the Tyrs DDO Chapter...

The Lag is Frightful

Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But in Boston, it's so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

Ghallanda is tired of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

When we finally connect to the game,
It's time to go bed all the same;
But if I could stay up and cry all night,
I would sigh I would sigh I would sigh.

My patience is slowly dying,
And, I fear, I'm still denying,
But as long as DDO is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow."
 
The_Apocalypse

The_Apocalypse

Well-known member
345928028_930161794885782_6392944609531317032_n.jpg
 
LeslieWest_GuitarGod

LeslieWest_GuitarGod

Well-known member
A dwarf had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the dwarf stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting,

"So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.

"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
 
LeslieWest_GuitarGod

LeslieWest_GuitarGod

Well-known member
Three human women were talking together about their boyfriends, and the subject of birth control came up.

The first women said, "Because of my religion, I can't use birth control."

The second women said, "My husband and I use the rhythm method."

The third women, who recently fell in love with a dwarf said, "My husband and I use the bucket-and-saucer method."

She was asked how it worked.

She said, "I'm 5'11" and my husband is 4'2". When we have sex, he stands on the bucket. When his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him.
 
TavernTails

TavernTails

Tuesday Trivia Host on DDOstream
Somewhere outside the tavern, a panicked scream rings out!
"Is anyone here a cleric?!?" the maiden cried. "This man is dying!"
A gaunt man amidst the gathering crowd raises his hand and says, "I'm only a necromancer, but if you're willing to wait a few minutes..."
 
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LeslieWest_GuitarGod

LeslieWest_GuitarGod

Well-known member
There were three men who were lost in a jungle, a human, an elf and a halfling. They were captured by the local tribe of Hobgoblin cannibals. The cannibal queen told the prisoners that they could live if they passed the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So the halfling, the human and the elf all went separate ways to gather fruits.

The elf came back and said to the queen, "I brought ten apples."

The queen then explains the trial to him - you have to shove the fruits up your bum without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.

The first apple went in... but on the second one, the elf winced in pain, so he was killed and went to the great beyond.

The human arrives with ten berries. When the queen explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... but on the ninth berry, the human burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.

The elf and the human met in the great beyond. The elf asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The human replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the halfling coming with pineapples."
 
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