There is bright flash of light. A tall, auburn haired woman dressed in a black catsuit appears in the middle of the tavern, standing behind a rather angry looking mind flayer dressed in lime green robes The woman has the mind flayer in a choke hold with her left arm. Her right hand holds a very long, silver, rondel dagger to the throat of the creature.
The mind flayer hisses, "What trickery is this?" "Where have you taken me, woman?"
The tall woman looks somewhat confused for a moment as she examines the room. "Oh. Oh. The Cupcake Musketeers Tavern. Right. You must have activated my temporal spatial repositioning compact mirror when you gave me an elbow to the stomach. That hurt, by the way."
The mind flayer glares at the nearby patrons and exclaims, "Your magic mirror will not save you! Your brains are..."
The last word of the creature is cut off by a terrible scream as the woman violently draws her dagger across its throat. The head of the mind flayer severs, falling to the ground and rolling away, leaving a noxious trail of ichor and bile. More ichor erupts in a fountain from the neck of the dead creature , gushing like a fountain. The woman pushes the body forward to remain clear of the geyser, causing the dead creature to spray half the room as if it were a fire hose. "Vexa! You're making a mess!"
A rather deep, sarcastic female voice seems to emit from the dagger. "Aim at the couple in the corner. The ones eating lasagna."
The young woman in the corner screams, "It threw up a little in my mouth!" "Am I going to die?"
Another bright flash appears in the center of the room, this time marking the appearance of a fat red slaad with one milky eye. The creature holds a dismembered human arm in its right hand. "Thought you could get away, did you?" The creature punctuates the question with a gigantic flatulent emission.
"Oh no!", exclaims the woman in the catsuit. "It must have followed the astral ether trail left by my magic mirror!"
Her dagger responds, "I hope you brought some bleach because that blast is gonna leave a stain."
Patrons of the tavern cover their faces as they attempt to flee. A few, overcome with nausea, fall to the floor and begin to wretch.
In a smug tone the slaad declares, "I am going to eat everyone in this tavern, then some cars, then some guitars, and then some more people."
The slaad swings its human arm club at the woman in the catsuit but she dodges to one side. The woman picks up a plate of half eaten ravioli covered in mind flayer blood, throwing it at the outsider. The creature opens its mouth and gulps down the entire projectile. "Feed me, Sophie!"
"Vexa, I have an idea." The woman in the cat suit begins to dart from table to table, flinging leftover food at the slaad which greedily swallows everything.
"More, Sophie! More!", exclaims the monster. "When I'm done eating every meal in this tavern, I'm gonna eat you!" The stomach of the slaad begins to rumble ominously.
"Now's our chance, Vexa!" The woman in the catsuit plucks a torch from one wall then deftly maneuvers behind the creature. As the slaad begins to eject a massive blast of post digestive gas, she hurls the torch at his behind and leaps behind the bar. A massive explosion fills the main hall of the tavern, propelling the slaad through the roof and high into the air.
The dagger sings, "Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone!"
After a few moments, the slaad reverses trajectory and falls, plunging through the hole in the roof and landing on the tavern floor at very high velocity. As it emits a very loud burp that sounds like, "Sophie!", the creature explodes, the contents of its bowls spraying the once pristine tavern and everyone still inside.
The woman in the catsuit, upon seeing the slaad falling back to earth, quickly climbs into a cupboard under the sink, thus avoiding the ensuing explosion of corruption. A few moments after the death of the slaad, she unfolds herself from the cupboard, stands, and looks around the establishment. The entire tavern, only a short time ago new and pristine, is now sprayed with every horrible product of digestive waste. The resulting stench is profound and pervasive.
A watchman bursts into the main room, then quickly covers his mouth and nose with a handkerchief. Private Jake, who seems unaffected by the stench, arrives on the premises a moment later. He catches a glimpse of a tall woman, dressed in a black cat suit, leaving out the side door.
A dwarf merchant looks up and exclaims, "Hoo-hoo that smell!" "Can't you smell that smell?"
A halfling standing next to him points at a tall woman in a black catsuit walking past. "Don't come around here no more!"
The dagger in the woman's hand asks, "Where are we going?"
The woman replies, "Albuquerque.."
