The Best D&D Jokes Thread... Make me laugh, I dares ya!
- Thread starter LeslieWest_GuitarGod
- Start date
Dandonk
This is not the title you're looking for
Lol, nice one!
LeslieWest_GuitarGod
Well-known member
Wiz... I heard that in 2006!! 
Oh, and I also read in the forum that DDO was doomed to failure and that the game wouldn't make it to 2009. or '10. or '11, or '21, or '22, or '23....
Oh, and I also read in the forum that DDO was doomed to failure and that the game wouldn't make it to 2009. or '10. or '11, or '21, or '22, or '23....
Jack Jarvis Esquire
Well-known member
Welcome to Stormreach!
It's not quite the arse-end of the world, but you can see it from here!
It's not quite the arse-end of the world, but you can see it from here!
Jack Jarvis Esquire
Well-known member
Yes folks it's the Pharlain Carnival, and Brawnpits the Strong Man and Malecia the Ring Leader are pleased to announce they are expecting a newborn.
When asked if hoping for a boy or a girl the response was "Don't really care, so long as it fits in the cannon..."
When asked if hoping for a boy or a girl the response was "Don't really care, so long as it fits in the cannon..."
Jack Jarvis Esquire
Well-known member
A grim night for raiding...
Wizard "Healer, why have you brought along an abacus?"
Clerk "It's my job. I'm your clerk."
Wizard "Clerk? No, we asked for a Cle... Oh, by Aureon! Who's let the barb write the bloody LFM Again!??!"
Wizard "Healer, why have you brought along an abacus?"
Clerk "It's my job. I'm your clerk."
Wizard "Clerk? No, we asked for a Cle... Oh, by Aureon! Who's let the barb write the bloody LFM Again!??!"
Jack Jarvis Esquire
Well-known member
A big ugly Horc Barb walks into the Leaky Dingy and orders an ale, declaring "I'm the meanest toughest SOB in Stormreach, and I ain't paying for my drink! Pour me a free one barkeep!"
The barman looks the Barb up and down, then meekly pours him a pint.
Half way through his quaffing, a piece of magically animated asphalt strolls in to the bar, walks up to the Barb, lifts his drink right out from his hand, duly downs the Barbs ale, and walks out.
The Barb meekly says nothing, keenly examining his shoes throughout.
After the magically animated asphalt leaves, the barkeep says to the Barb "I thought you were so tough, but that asphalt just humiliated you and you did nothing?"
'Yeah", says the Barb, "I'm tough, but that guy... He's a total cycle path!"
The barman looks the Barb up and down, then meekly pours him a pint.
Half way through his quaffing, a piece of magically animated asphalt strolls in to the bar, walks up to the Barb, lifts his drink right out from his hand, duly downs the Barbs ale, and walks out.
The Barb meekly says nothing, keenly examining his shoes throughout.
After the magically animated asphalt leaves, the barkeep says to the Barb "I thought you were so tough, but that asphalt just humiliated you and you did nothing?"
'Yeah", says the Barb, "I'm tough, but that guy... He's a total cycle path!"
LeslieWest_GuitarGod
Well-known member
What is the difference between a witch and an enchantress?
Five of years of marriage.
Five of years of marriage.
LeslieWest_GuitarGod
Well-known member
A human with a slightly flattened skull, dragonborn with rope burns on his neck and a drow with bruises all over stand at Heaven's Pearly Gates before Saint Pete awaiting approval for entrance.
St. Pete: You, human, what happened to you?
Human: I was walking down the street tucking in my shirt and laughing at a joke my wife told me that morning when this large iron trunk fell on my head.
St. Pete: And how about our dragonborn visitor, what's your story?
Dragonborn: I came home a bit early to find my wife very disheveled and buck arse nekkid, so searched the house and found no one. Then I looked out the window and saw this gent laughing and arranging his clothes; so in a fit of rage I through a trunk out the window and it hit him on da noggin. Then the locals performed a quick kangaroo court and hanged me.
St. Pete: And finally, how about you Drow?
Drow: *grins slyly* I was in da trunk.
St. Pete: You, human, what happened to you?
Human: I was walking down the street tucking in my shirt and laughing at a joke my wife told me that morning when this large iron trunk fell on my head.
St. Pete: And how about our dragonborn visitor, what's your story?
Dragonborn: I came home a bit early to find my wife very disheveled and buck arse nekkid, so searched the house and found no one. Then I looked out the window and saw this gent laughing and arranging his clothes; so in a fit of rage I through a trunk out the window and it hit him on da noggin. Then the locals performed a quick kangaroo court and hanged me.
St. Pete: And finally, how about you Drow?
Drow: *grins slyly* I was in da trunk
.
LeslieWest_GuitarGod
Well-known member
What is it that all the classes have in common???
Artificers do it one-handed
Barbarians do better when they're angry
Bards do it with music.
Clerics pray so they can do it
Druids do it with animals
Fighters do it up close
Monks do it with out wearing a thing
Paladins do it with regret
Rangers do it with two hands
Rogues do it from behind.
Sorcerers do it spontaneously
Warlocks do it with tentacles
Wizard read books to do it
Fight... of course
Artificers do it one-handed
Barbarians do better when they're angry
Bards do it with music.
Clerics pray so they can do it
Druids do it with animals
Fighters do it up close
Monks do it with out wearing a thing
Paladins do it with regret
Rangers do it with two hands
Rogues do it from behind.
Sorcerers do it spontaneously
Warlocks do it with tentacles
Wizard read books to do it
Fight... of course
Jack Jarvis Esquire
Well-known member
An adventurer goes into a bar, and sees a dwarf with a flat head and big cauliflower ear standing at the end of the bar.
After a while he notices that every ale the dwarf gets, the barman nods, smiles, and tells him "On the house, Pete..."
The Adventurer is intrigued. "Hey barkeep, how comes that flat headed dwarf keeps getting free ales?"
The barkeep smiles "That ain't no dorf mate. That's Big Pete. He used to stand 6'4 tall until there was a mining accident here last year. Big Pete saved a dozen miners that day propping up the mine. And that's why he's not 6'4 anymore and has a flat head. And that's why he'll never buy another ale in this town again."
"Wow" says the Adventurer "but what about his big cauliflower ear?"
"Oh . That's from when they banged him into position..."
After a while he notices that every ale the dwarf gets, the barman nods, smiles, and tells him "On the house, Pete..."
The Adventurer is intrigued. "Hey barkeep, how comes that flat headed dwarf keeps getting free ales?"
The barkeep smiles "That ain't no dorf mate. That's Big Pete. He used to stand 6'4 tall until there was a mining accident here last year. Big Pete saved a dozen miners that day propping up the mine. And that's why he's not 6'4 anymore and has a flat head. And that's why he'll never buy another ale in this town again."
"Wow" says the Adventurer "but what about his big cauliflower ear?"
"Oh . That's from when they banged him into position..."
LeslieWest_GuitarGod
Well-known member
Bardic Inspiration!? Noooooo
LeslieWest_GuitarGod
Well-known member
This guy is a lyre!
LeslieWest_GuitarGod
Well-known member
Q. Why should an optimal party have a rogue and a bard?
A. It balances out the prose and cons.
A. It balances out the prose and cons.
LeslieWest_GuitarGod
Well-known member
Where does a dragon go to get her manicure?
A Talon Show
A Talon Show
ChickenMobile
Member
Why shouldn't you trust a Gynosphinx?
They always lion.
They always lion.